I’d had enough of this. The kids, Cheryl, and that father of mine always getting in the way to try and “help” us. I waited until the kids were asleep before opening the car door and sitting down in the driver’s seat. I twisted the key a couple times before the old piece of shit finally started and backed out of the driveway. I needed to get away from this. I drove to the nearest liquor store and bought the cheapest bottle I could get fucked up on before entering the neighbouring ammunitions store.
Hi Romili,
You need to focus on changing up your sentence starters. You have started most of your sentences with “I…” this creates a list-like to your writing and prevents you from establishing the show, don’t tell that you need to use to create an experience for your reader.
You also need to break up your paragraph so that your reader can follow your story’s flow. The narrative element of your story can be developed by changing up the way you craft your paragraphs.
Thank you
Mr Johnson
Thanks for the feedback.